I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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