how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
