OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
