someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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