You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
