i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize