doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
