I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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