You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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