Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize