i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
