I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
