God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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