I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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