I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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