I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
