I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Panties = found
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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