Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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