My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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