yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
