omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
