i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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