I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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