OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
