@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
