Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
