Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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