There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
