their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize