i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
