your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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