okay pat passed out under dana's car
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize