i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
