somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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