watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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