I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize