Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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