they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
