You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
