there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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