So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
why is half of my head shaved?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize