You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
