saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
