Can i not drive my cunt home
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize