I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
