So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
