I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
