his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize