i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
