I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You made out with two different species that night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
