Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize