you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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