I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
