Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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