All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
