mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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