The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
