You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Actions speak louder than pants.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did i walk over a car last night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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