I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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