Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
