He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
