Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
