homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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