just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
