Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
