Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize