Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
two words...techno handjob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
